Batman… by Julia Donaldson

One of my son’s favourite books is Stickman, by Julia Donaldson; one of his favourite superheroes is Batman. In an attempt to be efficient, I have combined the two… enjoy.

Batman’s a hero; he’s bold and he’s brave.
With Alfred, his butler, and his gloomy Batcave.
One evening in Gotham, he’s out, looking cool.
Batman! Oh Batman! Beware Raz Al Ghul!

“A bat,” cries Al Ghul, “You complete utter prat!
“When I said, ‘Try theatrics,’ I didn’t mean that.
“Gotham is doomed, I’ve devised a mad plan.
“You’ll never defeat me, because you’re just a man.”

“I’m not a man. That won’t make men fear.
“I’m Batman! I’m Batman! Let everyone cheer,
“And when you’re not looking, I just disappear.”

Batman has won and saved all in the town.
Some prisoners escaped, but he hunted them down.
He went round to Gordon’s for a few hands of poker.
Batman! Oh Batman! Beware of the Joker!

“A bat,” shouts The Joker, as he grins ear to ear.
“I know a neat magic trick, he’ll soon disappear.
“These scars on my face? Let me tell you the tale.
“But first, Dent or Rachel? Choose well or you’ll fail.”

“I’m not the hero you need, but deserve.
“I’m Batman! I’m Batman! Dent’s name I’ll preserve.
“And I’m hanging my cape up, my strength to conserve.”

Eight years go by, Batman’s not to be found.
Then out of retirement, for just one more round.
The darned League of Shadows is at it again.
Batman! Oh Batman! Beware, cos it’s Bane!

“The Bat!” mumbles Bane, clearly having a lark.
“You adopted the night; I was born in the dark.
“I’ll cripple your back with my muscular thigh,
“And once Gotham is gone, you’ve permission to die.”

“I’m not a cripple. I climbed out of that pit.
“I’m Batman! I’m Batman! I don’t know when to quit.
“Though I’ll fake my own death and kick back for a bit.”

Batman is finished, the trilogy’s done.
Chris Nolan, who made Batman great, has moved on.
But just as the Batman fans start to disperse,
Hey wait, what’s that rumour? DC Universe?
They’re going to need Batman, but who should it be?
Who can replace that guy from the last three?

Ben Affleck? Ben Affleck? A million nerds,
Erupt with such feelings, they forget to use words.
“He’ll ruin the film,” they say through gritted teeth.
(Forgetting they said the same thing about Heath.)

Batman doesn’t care, he’s excited you see.
“I’m Batman! I’m Batman! I’m Batman! That’s me!
“And we’ll find out who wins between Clark Kent and me.”

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