I’d like to take a couple of moments to talk about one of the most ridiculous lines I have ever heard uttered in film. The film in question was Annie: A Royal Adventure, which was a television sequel to the 1982 film Annie. It wasn’t a great film, had no songs (apart from a brief reprise of Tomorrow at the end) and none of the original cast (in fairness, the kids from the first would have been in their twenties and Albert Finney had gotten a lot tubbier by the time it was made).
The rough plot is that Professor Eon had invented a new fuel called Eonite, which was super-duper-awesome. However, he gets kidnapped by an evil woman, who wants to use his fuel to power a rocket that will blow up Buckingham Palace, so that she can be queen. Hijinks ensue and Annie saves the day without really doing a great deal.
Obviously everything works out in the end, they all live happily ever after, including a young chap called Michael, who is a bit of a genius and helps the professor improve the Eonite formula, giving us the magnificent line:
“If we just change one little part of the formula, it becomes virtually impossible to use Eonite for evil.”
I seriously laughed out loud at that line (delivered, incidentally, by Emperor Palpatine himself) and immediately spotted two issues with it.
1) The idea that sticking an extra OH group or something on the chemical structure could proof it against being used for evil (it’s fuel… it can always be used to make things crash into other things).
2) The slight tweak makes it *virtually* impossible to use for evil… as in, you’d have to be really smart to figure out how. This is therefore completely useless, as if there’s one thing that evil has plenty of, it’s geniuses.
Anyway, don’t bother watching the film, it’s pretty dreadful; just be glad that you live in a world where high powered rocket fuel has free will and a conscience, and has chosen the path of good.