Actifry – a review

We recently got an Actifry (actually, that might be a brand name – it’s the Breville version). We got this mostly to make Slimming World chips, as my wife is doing Slimming World and I am roughly following along (I probably abuse my healthy extras a bit more than I would if I was doing it properly).
We ummmed and ahhhhed about getting it, as we weren’t sure if we’d get that much use out of it. I did have a quick Google for things you could cook in it that aren’t chips – there’s plenty of ideas, but the majority of them would cook fine using a regular over or hob. However, my love of random kitchen gadgets, combined with my inability to say “no” to my wife, meant that we pretty quickly had one sat on our kitchen counter (side note: it’s surprisingly big… not for small kitchens).

Soooooooo, on to some specifics…

Homemade chips (fries) – This is actually the least successful thing I’ve done in there. Don’t get me wrong, for homemade, Slimming World chips, they’re decent enough – cooked properly, fairly evenly done – but there is absolutely no mistaking them for the real thing. It’s possible I can improve them with a little experimentation, but it has not been a chip revolution.

Oven chips – I did these for the kids recently and it cooks them really evenly. Better than the oven.

Roast carrots and parnsips – This was the second thing I tried to cook in there and after the initial disappointment of the chips, this immediately justified the purchase. It makes much better roasted veg than I have ever achieved in the oven. The constant turning makes everything cook properly and when I honey roast them, it also means nothing sticking to the tray and causing a mess. 10/10.

Chickpeas – It did some pretty decent roasted chickpeas. If you look for recipes online, you’ll probably need to add 10 minutes to any timings if you like them crunchy – most suggested about 20 minutes, at which point they were cooked, but still soft.

Pitta chips – I really like pitta chips and it does them very well, so well that I overshot on the first load and made them a little crispy. My second lot were better and really easy to make.

Halloumi – This needs some experimentation. I did manage to make some pretty good fried halloumi in the end, but it needed draining part way though, as it was swimming in its own juices and not really crisping. I might try it on the little grilling rack.

Tofu – Another win here… the best tofu I’ve managed, short of deep frying it (which is decidely less healthy). Crisp on the outside, soft on the inside… armadillos!

Butternut squash chips and similar things – it doesn’t inherently do these better than the oven, but it does them evenly and without having to wait for the oven to warm up, so it’s still a win.

Overall, this is one kitchen device that I can wholeheartedly recommend. It definitely gets Nathanael’s Seal of Approval (not literally… it is, after all, Nathanael’s).

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Frederik Pohl’s Gateway as an RPG Campaign Setting

I recently read Gateway by Frederik Pohl and it struck me as having potential as a roleplaying campaign setting, so here are a few thoughts on the subject.
The premise of the book is that humanity has discovered an outpost of a deceased alien race. This outpost is full of alien ships, which can be programmed to visit a location and then return. Of course, no one understands the alien navigation settings, so people set off in them at random; sometimes they come back empty handed, sometimes they come back with alien tech and get a big pay day, sometimes they don’t come back at all.

From an RPG point of view, this could be played out in a couple of styles…
Firstly, it would be a good background for a series of relatively independent one-shots – the PCs pile into a ship, blast off at random, have an adventure and come home. This could either be done with a regular group, keeping the same team each time, or within a much larger group, where players rotate in, as and when they’re available.
For a really casual game, you could keep the players in the dark about where they’re heading each session. However, if you want to add a little player agency, you could tweak it in a couple of ways. There could be an emphasis on repeat visits using the same settings (“let’s head back to planet X; we never checked out that jungle temple.”) – this would allow for slightly more substantial plot arcs, even though each adventure would still be fairly independent.
Another approach would be to metagame it slightly. Once you know who’s playing a particular session, they can pitch the sort of themes that they’re interested in for that adventure (exploration, horror, mystery, action); they still wouldn’t know where exactly they were going, but at least they could be assured of the sort of story that they’re interested in.
With all these approaches, my suggestion would be to make the “hub” (whether a hollowed out comet, like the book, or a space station, or whatever) an adventure-free zone. Adventures take place when you set off to a destination; the hub is merely for refreshing supplies.

The alternative to a series of one-shots would be a more substantial campaign. At this point, you would want to introduce life to the hub, as that’s where the continuity will be. The players will still go on exploration missions, maybe repeating the same locations or maybe somewhere new every time, but the social side of things will occur between missions.
There could be political parties within the hub, trying to control what happens to artifacts that are brought back; there could be a criminal underworld, trading in specialised equipment to help explorers survive; maybe there’s a fee to try your luck with a spaceship and the players don’t start with enough, so they have to do a couple of favours before they can even set out.

As a final note, I would almost certainly run something like this using Numenera. Some of the recent, space-based material would feed into it nicely, but even with just the core system, cyphers and artifacts are a great model for the sort of alien tech that explorers would find.

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Minecraft for Parents

First, let’s clear up that slightly ambiguous title…
This is not a post explaining Minecraft *to* parents… the Wikipedia page has a pretty good summary and you can always find videos of actual play on Youtube.
I’m also not going to go into depth on whether you should let your child play Minecraft. As long as they’re old enough to understand what they’re doing (6ish?) it’s a pretty inoffensive game. The only element of any concern is some mild violence and it really is mild; you hit a pig with your sword, it falls over and turns into a pork chop… unless you’re a hardcore vegetarian, it’s not a problem. You should be cautious about what servers your child is on if playing online, but that’s good advice for any game with an online element.

With all that preamble out of the way, this post is really for parents whose children have Minecraft and who are thinking about giving it a try themselves. First off… you should absolutely give it a try. Unless gaming is really not your thing (and I’m assuming you would know that), the first few steps of Minecraft are pretty fun. This is mostly down to some rapid progress within the game; I spent my first night in a literal hole in the ground, quickly upgraded to a luxurious hovel and then into a fairly extensive cave complex. Your equipment also upgrades pretty fast from a wooden pick (which, let’s face it, is just a funny shaped stick), to a stone axe and then an iron sword… one wonders why our ancestors made such a song and dance of it.
Crucially, each of these achievements only requires a short amount of actual gameplay… 15 minutes is enough to do something new; discover iron ore and smelt it, gather some wool and craft a bed, clear out a nearby cave (actually, that would have taken a lot longer than 15 minutes if my son hadn’t wandered past and explained how to stop skeletons from spawning over and over). This means that you can play pretty casually and feel like you’re getting things done.

I now find myself running out of quick things to do and have started looking at the longer term. I’m quite creative enough to entertain myself within the context of the game (and even if I wasn’t, there are plenty of suggestions online), but anything that I might try now is going to take a great deal of dull work before it pays off. Back in my youth, this would not have been an issue – if Minecraft had existed when I was at university, it’s entirely possible I wouldn’t have graduated – but these days I have kids during the day, a wife during the evening (she’s around during the day as well… she’s not nocturnal) and a to read/watch/play list as long as my arm (even when written in fairly small handwriting).
Obviously, I can’t speak for all parents everywhere, but I’m guessing that I’m not in an unusual situation here. I have heard rumours that there are parents who do have spare time, but I’m guessing their kids have moved out, in which case, they’ve presumably taken Minecraft with them anyway. In any case, after the first three or four hours, you’re going to have to either knuckle down or slack off.

So, in conclusion, if your children are into Minecraft then you should definitely have a little play, if only so that you know what they’re talking about when they bang on about it for hours at a time, but maybe do it in bite-sized chunks for a week or two, then quietly retire yourself from it, so that your spouse stops mouthing the word “divorce” at you.

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Killer Mermaids

Every once in a while, I quite like watching a crappy monster movie… not even something so-bad-it’s-funny… just something distinctly average.
Today’s offering is Killer Mermaids, which I found on Netflix while searching to see if Alien was on there (actually, I was searching for Alien vs Predator… don’t judge me). Anyway, I decided it was worth a go because who doesn’t want to see Ariel snap and kill a bunch of people? I mean, she’s already collecting trophies from drowned sailors… it’s only a few short steps to her drowning those sailors herself.
So, without any more preamble (pre-ramble?), let’s get started…

0:00 One of the studio logos is for a catering company… I wonder if they literally just catered the shoot.
0:01 Starts off with a Moby Dick quote… I haven’t read it, but I’m pretty sure Moby Dick was about a whale, not mermaids.
0:03 Over the credits there are some videos, shot by two of the characters on their phones. I guess this is supposed to make us like them… they’re shooting in landscape, so I kind of do.
0:04 Mermaid song sounds an awful lot like whale song. Is this a massive twist? Is it called Killer Mermaids, but it’s actually about a killer whale?
0:06 The two decoy protagonists are dead already. Man lured into the water by whale song and killed, presumably by whale; woman killed by unknown assailant with legs… probably not a mermaid.
0:09 I hope these two aren’t the main protagonists… they seem super annoying.
0:10 “I’m sorry, my English is not too good.” “Oh no, you speak American just fine.” Better than you apparently… she know the name of the language, for a start.
0:11 One of the women is afraid of water… she’s either going to die first or survive the film.
0:13 They’ve just noticed a creepy old guy, who I’m pretty sure is “legs” from the opening scene. One of the characters just referred to him as “Moby Dick”. Moby Dick was the whale, right? I really feel like I’m missing something about that book.
0:16 All this incredibly awkward dialogue is supposed to make us hate the characters, yes? So we don’t care if they get eaten?
0:19 This woman’s jacket has the most spiked studs I’ve ever seen in one place. She just needs to hug the mermaid and they can end the film early.
0:20 Scare chord and an aerial shot… killer seagulls?
0:21 Another guy killed by Legs… this film is distinctly mis-named so far.
0:23 Ok, so there’s an abandoned prison, but they can’t get there with the boat they’re in. No explanation… is the boat too big, too small? It’s a fairly standard speedboat, so I can’t imagine how it would be unable to access an island that received prisoners on a semi-regular basis.
0:25 A rugged looking man has appeared, but has ruined the effect by introducing himself as Bob. (Sorry, Bob!)
0:25 He has a harpoon gun that fires little tridents… is that even a thing?
0:25 On closer inspection, it has five prongs… a pentadent?
0:29 Ok, if a creepy old man warns me not to go to a dangerous island that doesn’t appear on Google maps (no, really), I’m probably going to stay away. Even if I’m 99% sure he’s talking nonsense, 1% chance of horrible death seems high to me.
0:32 Legitimate shock twist. Creepy Old Guy isn’t Legs – he’s looking for his daughter, who was the woman that got killed at the start. I bet Bob is Legs.
0:33 Ok, the only way to get to the prison is in a small boat with an extremely shallow draft… must have made building it a pain.
0:36 And then they admired an interesting historical site and all went home.
0:40 Having witnessed the disposal of several dismembered body parts, one person wants to leave immediately, while the others decide to play CSI: Alcatraz. In a just world, the sensible one would live, but I’m pretty sure she’ll be first for the chop instead.
0:42 Lots of running, chased by presumably-Legs, who now has a shotgun, but apparently has no idea how to use it. They’re running in a tight-ish cluster… he should have hit one of them by now, just by sheer luck.
0:46 And they’ve split the party… obviously no D&D players amongst them.
0:47 So far, this prison is a lot of corridors and no cells. 0/10. Would not incarcerate again.
0:50 Over halfway through the film and we finally have the killer mermaids… though technically it’s mermaid, singular… and she’s not actually killed anyone yet.
0:52 Ok, so the mermaid can appear as an attractive(ish) woman, in order to lure prey. Does this mean that the mermaid is a fairly recently evolved creature? Or could ancient mermaids appear as attractive chimps?
0:55 It’s been bugging me for a while and I’ve just figured it out… the mermaid’s leitmotif is the Mockingjay call from Hunger Games, missing the last note, presumably to avoid any lawsuits.
0:57 “It’s all my fault.” “It’s not your fault.” It’s definitely his fault.
1:02 What is it with buxom mermaids? I’d have thought the last thing that a water-based creature would want is two flotation devices attached to its chest.
1:04 I’m super confused. Legs is clearly killing people to feed the mermaid, but just as Bob is about to pretty much walk into the mermaid’s open arms, Legs intervenes and tries to kill steal. What, is he going to kill Bob then hand him back to the mermaid and say, “Here you go… nice and fresh for you.”?
1:05 They’ve killed Legs, the mermaid doesn’t exactly look nimble out of the water… how is there 25 minutes left of this film?
1:07 Still just one mermaid, incidentally… I’m already composing a strongly worded letter to the producers.
1:07 “No luck defeating them mermaids then?” “It’s just the one mermaid actually.”
1:09 Legs isn’t dead after all… he’s actually looking pretty good for a guy who took an axe to the back.
1:10 Of course, Bob is also looking pretty good for a guy who put a tourniquet on hours ago and whose leg, by all logic, should have dropped off by now.
1:11 Creepy Old Guy comes out of nowhere and saves Bob and Scared-of-Water. No explanation of why he was hanging around at the end of a secret underground tunnel in the middle of nowhere.
1:15 They’re sitting in a boat – a flimsy little rowing boat – listening to Creepy Old Guy giving backstory… at this point, if they die then it’s entirely on them.
1:17 Now they’re about 15 feet from shore, they know the mermaid is about and he’s stopped rowing again.
1:17 Now he can’t row, because he thought throwing the oar at her was a good plan.
1:18 Scared-of-Water is swimming to shore, pulling the boat behind her on a rope, like some sort of weird “World’s Strongest Woman” contest. Creepy Old Guy is in the boat, shouting, “Swim fast!” What a dick.
1:19 It turns out that the mermaid’s secret weakness is nets. Makes sense… I mean, it’s not like she has intelligence, sharp teeth and opposable thumbs to help her get free.
1:23 How on earth did Legs beat them back to the mainland? They left him locked in a tunnel, with an axe in his back and no boat.
1:24 Awwww… Legs was in love with her and is sad that she’s dead. Now I feel kind of bad.
1:25 Amazing! I take it all back. Mermaids, plural… and coming for vengeance!
1:26 “I’m not ready to die,” says Scared-of-Water. You’re on land and they have no legs… I think you’ll be ok.
1:26 Creepy Old Guy decides if he’s going down fighting, he’s at least going to kill Legs first. Brilliant.
1:26 Aaaaaaand… roll credits. Despite my mockery, it wasn’t a terrible film; it was pretty standard fare for a low budget creature feature. The mermaid looked like she was done largely with prosthetics, so there was no overly offensive CGI. The score was well done and there were some great exterior shots of the prison. Not worth watching, unless you’re a fan of the genre, but if you are then you could do worse.

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How the Grinch Stole Summer

A classic tale that I’ve rewritten for those, like me, who actually like Christmas, but hate the heat.
All the Whos down in Whoville liked summer a lot.
The Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville did not.

The Grinch hated summer, the whole summer season.
Now please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be his shoes made his feet get too hot.
Or his need to wear suncream when he’d rather he not.
But I think that the reason will probably prove,
To be that in summer it’s too hot to move.

Whatever the reason, the cream or his shoes,
He spent his bank holiday hating the Whos.
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the wide open windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who that lived round and about,
Was busy now, getting their barbecues out.

“And they’re setting out deck chairs!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Those stripey, cliche ones, I see them from here!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop summer from coming!”
For shortly, he knew, in each town and each street,
The Whos would emerge with their flip-flopping feet,
And then they would all start enjoying the heat.
That’s one thing he hated! The HEAT!

And the more the Grinch thought of this Who summer fun,
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop everyone!”
“Why, for thirty-five years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this summer from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” The Grinch merrily brayed.
And he started to build an enormous sun shade.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “Now it’s my turn for fun!”
“With this massive obstruction, I’ll block out the sun!
(And because it will be on a hill to the east,
I can skip all the stuff down in Whoville, at least.)”

It was quarter past dawn… All the Whos, still a-bed,
All the Whos, still asnooze, when he quitted his shed,
Packed the shade on a truck, with its struts and its beams.
Bags of bolts, nuts and rivets, bursting all at the seams.
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Cildit!
He rode with his load and he started to build it.

“PoohPooh to the Whos!” he was grinchishly humming.
“They’re about to find out that no summer is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound in the dim morning light,
With the shade in its place, the sun no longer bright.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small.
Was still having fun with no sunscreen at all.
He HADN’T stopped summer from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet surprisingly cool,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “Was he such a fool?”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
He made a connection, not previously made…
“If I don’t like the sun, I can sit in the shade.”
And what happened then? Well, he tore down his build,
And the valley below was with bright sunlight filled!
For the Grinch had at last found his own summer groove.
He sits square in the shade and he tries not to move.

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Machine rolling – Using machine learning to roll D&D ability scores

I’ve been looking into machine learning recently, partly for my own interest and partly because I suspect it will see a lot of use in my industry in the coming years. There are a couple of decent resources that I’ve been using to get started. There are free Alison courses on data science and machine learning that I am working my way through – I’ve found these good as an introduction to the general theory of machine learning, though the couple I’ve gone through haven’t had much in the way of practical examples. However, on the practical side, this page – Your First Machine Learning Project in Python Step-By-Step – is a great tutorial on running your first machine learning algorithm in Python. It’s very quick (it took me longer to track down the module versions I needed than it did to work through the code) and gives a nice introduction to some basic tools. Having worked through the tutorial just mentioned, I wanted to try it with some different data in order to play around with it. However, real world data, in an appropriate format for machine learning, is not something you just find sitting around, so I invented a problem that didn’t really exist – rolling an acceptable set of D&D ability scores.

A quick primer for non-D&D players:
When creating a character in D&D you roll six ability scores between 3 and 18. In early editions, this was done by rolling three six-sided dice and adding them together, then repeating that five more times – generally in early editions, the results did not have a huge effect on the game, so it didn’t matter if you didn’t roll particularly well. In later editions, having a couple of high scores became a lot more important and most groups switched to rolling four dice and dropping the lowest, to generate slightly better scores. There is also a general understanding that a legitimately bad set of scores can be re-rolled, though where people draw the line on a “bad set” will vary a lot.

So… could I use a machine learning algorithm to teach my computer what a bad/good set of D&D attributes looks like, so that it can then roll random sets of scores, until it gets one that is acceptable? Short answer, yes; long answer… keep reading.

First, I needed a training set, so I generated 1000 random sets of ability scores (using Python, but you could probably do it in Excel easily enough), ordering each one from highest to lowest (both to help the machine learning and to help me evaluate them). I then went through all of them and classified them as either acceptable or not acceptable. I weeded out the obviously useless sets with a bit of filtering (sets with nothing higher than a 13 or with multiple very low sores), but then I just went through and assigned each one a classification. This did take a little time, but not as long as you’d assume – I was very much going on an instant gut feeling for each one, proven by the fact that there were a handful of cases where I classified the same set of ability scores as both acceptable and unacceptable at different points in the list.

(1 for acceptable, -1 for no good)

With my training set in place, I ran through much of the same code as in the tutorial mentioned above, obviously tweaking for the fact that I have six variables, rather than four. Unlike the tutorial, the SVC algorithm showed the best potential accuracy (I don’t know what SVC is… that’s something I hope to discover at some point) and when I ran it against the testing set, it got a 93% overall accuracy score.

From the point of view of my ultimate goal, the precision on the acceptable results is the most interesting item here. If the algorithm misses some acceptable sets (the recall score), I’ll never see them anyway – the important number is the probability that the set of results it does spit out is an acceptable one. 86% is not as good as 93%, but is certainly better than a straight up random set, which has at least a 20% chance of being no good, just based on having a max score of 13 or at least one score of 5 or less. It’s also likely that the sets being miscategorised are the borderline cases that aren’t too terrible, just not inspiring.
Having taught it to recognise acceptable sets of ability scores, the final step is simple enough; a little bit of Python to generate random sets of ability scores, test them using the machine learning algorithm and then print out the first that passes.

(A rather good set of scores there)

I’m not going to bog this post down with syntax… post a comment if you have questions on my specific code implementation.

A couple of final points…
As a test, I produced a stripped down training set, with only the highest two scores and the lowest. I then classified them with a simple rule that a set was acceptable if both the highest two were at least 16 and the lowest was no less than 8. Interestingly, despite the fact that I could write a simple if/then clause that could categorise the sets perfectly, only one of the various machine learning algorithms mapped the training set with 100% accuracy, while a couple of others got very high 90s. The LR algorithm (whatever that is) only hit 88% accuracy, which seems very poor under the circumstances. Clearly some of these algorithms are not designed to identify something so clean cut, but presumably do very well on dirtier data.

Lastly, despite the theory that the program will generate a set of ability scores that should be acceptable to me, there is nothing stopping me from rejecting the result and just running it again. With this in mind, I did consider adding a random seed, based on the date, that would mean if I ran it multiple times on the same day, I’d always get the same result. However, at this point I really am creating issues that don’t exist, so I think we’ll finish here.

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Famous poems as haiku

Today is haiku poetry day (not sure who actually decides these things). For reasons unrelated to this blog, I rewrote a few famous poems into haiku and, not one to let such things go to waste, I figured I might as well pop them on here too. Enjoy. (Or don’t… it’s entirely up to you… art!)

irritating bird
disturbs man’s contemplation
and then it won’t leave

companions on beach
they make a bunch of new friends
and then they eat them

Mongol emperor
builds a fabulous palace
I forget the rest

a bird and feline
embark upon sea voyage
and then they marry

six hundred go in
cannons to the left and right
and then there were none

I shot a large bird
now damned for eternity
who you calling old?

man from Nantucket
not suitable for posting
(don’t include this one)

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Lost in Transit – A short story

[Transcript of laboratory 15 voice recorder during first human teleportation trial]

[Doctor James Hanover] Ok, Mister Johnson, please have a seat here, while the technicians get things finalised.
[Harry Johnson] No problem.
[Hanover] While they’re getting ready, let me just run through the procedure again. I know you signed the consent documents, but just to cover the main points…
[Johnson] Sure thing.
[Hanover] Great. So, when we pull the switch, a 3D scan will be taken of your full atomic structure. Your body will then be atomised and a perfect copy created in the chair that you can see on the other side of the laboratory.
[Johnson] You won’t forget that second part, will you?
[Hanover] *laughs* I assure you, we won’t. We have had hundreds of successful trials with rats, dogs… even a gorilla. All came through perfectly fine.
[Sally Jenkins] Everything is prepped Doctor Hanover.
[Hanover] Thanks, Sally. Now, just to be clear, Mister Johnson, the copy that appears at the other end won’t technically be you. It will be identical to you… not even your mother would be able to tell the difference…
[Johnson] What about my wife?
[Hanover] Or her. I just want to be sure you fully understand the implications.
[Johnson] Look, Doc, I was never one for weird metaphysical debates… you’re paying me well, I’m going to be the first man to ever teleport… as long as I can go back to my family afterwards, we’re good.
[Hanover] Super. In that case, just sit back, relax and we’ll see you again in a few moments. Sally, start the process.
[Jenkins] Process started. 3D scan compiling now.
[Barry Smith] Power levels nominal, no spikes.
[Jenkins] Scan compiled. Proceeding.
* Audible popping noise, caused by disintegration of Harry Johnson. *
[Smith] All levels still optimal.
[Hanover] *inaudible muttering*
[Jenkins] Production of subject copy beginning. He’s looking good… and… process complete.
* Cheers and general shouting from laboratory staff.*
[Hanover] Congratulations, Mister Johnson, you’ve just made history. How are you feeling?
[Hanover] Mister Johnson?
* Sounds of rapid movement and equipment being shifted *
[Jenkins] Breathing and pulse normal… blood pressure one ten over seventy.
[Smith] Starting atomic scan for comparison.
[Hanover] There must be something we’ve missed.
* More sounds of equiment use *
[Jenkins] EEG shows normal brain activity. Nervous system and reflex responses are as expected.
[Smith] Atomic scan shows a match, pre and post transfer. Differences are easily within expected limits for the time passed.
[Jenkins] There’s nothing wrong with him, Doctor Hanover… he’s just not doing anything.
[Hanover] Well, shit.

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How to make a magnetic hourglass

I was in Waterstones over Christmas and in their gifty section, they had a magnetic hourglass that looked pretty cool; essentially, a regular hourglass with some sort of ferrous “sand” and a magnetic in the base. However, it was £20, which seemed kind of expensive for something that would just sit on my desk, so I decided to make my own for far less cost.

I went through a few iterations before I found something that worked reasonably well. I initially tried using plastic champagne flutes from poundland (the ones with the detachable bases). I figured I could drill a hole through the stems of two flutes, attached them together and just cap the ends. However, the stems were too thin to get a firm (or straight) join, so I abandoned that plan pretty quickly.

Next (and this is where I started taking pictures), I tried a couple of small jars, separated by a disc with a hole in it. (The disc was just laminated card – nothing special.)
I didn’t really expect this to be a great solution, but I wanted proof that the iron filings I got off eBay and the magnet I got off the fridge would produce the intended effect.

It actually wasn’t a terrible result. The biggest issue was that the join was too wide and flat – I had to overload the hourglass to ensure that enough filings would fall through and there was a lot left in the top bulb. Still, the principle was sound.

My next thought was to use small cones in the join, instead of a flat disc. However, joining them presented similar issues to joining the champagne flutes (not straight, not stable) and I also wasn’t sure that they would bear the weight of the upper bulb.

I then went back to my previous version, but using vessels with much narrower necks. I settled on some plastic bottles for holding bath products (80p each in the supermarket), joined with a much smaller disc. (I just glued the bottles onto the disc one at a time – it’s fairly sturdy.)
This works pretty well – almost all the filings fall through and a quick shake before turning sends the rest down.

To create a base, I simply melted a couple of tea lights into a tealight holder and pressed a fridge magnet into it.

The final result is a neat little craft project, which cost about £4, plus a couple of things that were lying around the house.
Take that Waterstones!

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Campaign setting – The World’s Most Interesting Fast Food Restaurant

This is a silly idea that suddenly came to me. It is a short roleplaying campaign (I suspect 6-8 sessions before it gets boring) that could be played in most systems, with a bit of adjustment.

Basic concept:
The players are all ordinary people, working in a fast food restaurant, which just happens to be the most interesting fast food restaurant in the world. Each session basically involves them dealing with some problem or situation, while still trying to do their jobs.

System/Character creation:
You could run this in most systems, but you need to strip out anything that doesn’t fit with the characters being regular people. In d20 systems, it’s probably a skill cap of 14 and no magic or anything; in Savage Worlds, edges are out, combat skills are out and characters probably have less skill points than normal; in Cypher System, you’d just keep pools, edge and training… maybe descriptors. The point is that these are genuinely ordinary folk.
However, each player may choose a single “roleplaying-y” skill for their character. This might be bolted on at the end or done during creation, depending on the system and the skill. This is the only opportunity for a character to have any combat ability (and it has to be specific; if the character is a black belt, they have no skill in firearms). Alternatively, it could be something more esoteric; the character is a chemistry major and can cook up also sorts of weird stuff in the kitchen; the character knows a lot of people and can acquire anything, given some time; the character is an absolute charmer and can wrap people around their little finger… obviously, if the character has one of these, they have no combat abilities whatsoever.

Your characters all work in a fast food joint. It could be any sort of fast food – I’m picturing burgers personally, but pizza, sushi, whatever… The restaurant should be large enough that there is room for interesting things to happen, but not so large that your players are only a tiny part of the work force – your adventures should ideally take place on the graveyard shift or when the restaurant is short staffed, so that your players are the majority of the employees on site, with only a couple of interesting NPC employees to assist them.
Flesh out the restaurant a little, so that you know what areas it has. Is there one of those windows, so you can see into the kitchen? Is the office at the back or is there an upstairs? Does the restaurant have a basement? However, don’t map every inch of the restaurant, as you want some flexibility during play.

Each games session should cover one shift – any players who can’t make a session are simply not working that day. Every shift, something goes wrong in the restaurant:
The FBI are using it for a sting operation, but they’re short staffed themselves, so some of the characters will need to wear wires.
Two mafia dons have brought their grandchildren in for a treat and mustn’t be allowed to see each other.
Some criminals, fleeing the police, choose your restaurant to hole up and take hostages.
The owner of the company is visiting the restaurant for a surprise inspection, but he’s a bit of a recluse, so no one knows what he looks like… or even if he is definitely a he.
Some guys are filming a documentary about the Indian burial ground underneath the parking lot (this could be a campaign finale, explaining why the restaurant is such a weirdness magnet).

The players have to figure out how to resolve the situation (or just survive it), while still broadly operating as a restaurant (because they need their jobs). This should never be played as a serious campaign, but you’ll still need to agree where you are on a sliding scale of realism; you could play it that the characters need to obey the law, keep the restaurant intact, etc.. or you could play a much more slapstick version where the restaurant is pretty much destroyed at the end of every session, but happily gets rebuilt before the next shift.

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